Piranha 3D


Piranha 3D poster
Piranha 3D (2010)

Fish film shows the importance of learning to master bait

Spring break. For some it is a time to hit the books, and get a head start on studying for exams. Maybe also a time to pick up some extra shifts at a part-time job, to help pay off those crippling student debts.

For others, it is a time to head down to Florida, get drunk off your ass 24/7, and maybe enter a wet tshirt contest or two.

Now that last option might not be the soundest one, however it does make for a much better film. In this case, it makes for one of 2010’s, nay, one of history’s greatest films, Piranha 3D.

Piranha 3D takes place in the sleepy little town of Lake Victoria. Every year things liven up when spring break goes down, bringing a slew of rowdy youngsters to town. Well, boisterous, scantily clad college kids aren’t the biggest problem in Lake Victoria this year. An invasion of flesh-devouring piranhas has arrived to provide plenty of carnage, and even more chuckles.

We are introduced early on to Jake (Stephen R. McQueen), a resident of Lake Victoria, whose mother (Elisabeth Shue) is the sheriff. Jake meets Derrick Jones (Jerry O’Connell), producer of the fictional Wild Wild Girls video series. Jones wants Jake to act as a guide, so that they can find the best places in town to film their unique brand of smut.

We get the occasional piranha killing over the course of the first hour of the film, with five or six people eaten down to the skeleton. Interspersed with the horrific death are scenes of buxom naked women frolicking, as Jones films his Wild Wild Girls video.

Then, madness ensues. A wet tshirt contest, usually a wonderful and peaceful event, is interrupted by sheer terror, as thousands of piranhas descend on the scene, and begin a feeding frenzy. Not only are the youngsters being eaten by these killing machines, escapees are running over people with their boats. The water turns from beautiful blue to crimson red. It’s the biggest disaster scene filmed that didn’t involve Lindsay Lohan.

Meanwhile, Jake and the Wild Wild Girls crew are off trying to make a movie. While going around filming naked women may sound like a lot of fun, and let’s face it, it looks good on a resume, things go terribly awry. Their vessel is soon in the eye of the storm, as the piranhas look to feast on some flesh. The sinking of the Titanic looks like kids playing in a bathtub compared to this tragedy.

Now there have been a lot of killer sea creature films over the years. In fact there were several films released just in 2010 about piranhas. Believe me when I tell you though, they do not measure up to this one. Piranha 3D is The Godfather – or should I say, The Codfather – of fish films. Piranha 3D is a film that you should definitely catch, and not release.

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