Crank 2: High Voltage
Crank 2 ranks number one
Ridiculous. Illogical. Over the top. Profane. These are all terms that can be used to describe the film Crank 2: High Voltage, a movie I recently had the opportunity to take a gander at. One more term that can be used to describe it: greatest. Because I feel that I can state without any fear of being accused of using hyperbole when I state that Crank 2: High Voltage is comprised of the greatest series of images to ever be captured on film.
Back in 2006, a wonderful film called Crank was released. Action hero extraordinaire Jason Statham portrayed Chev Chelios, an assassin who was injected with a poison that would kill him if his heart rate dropped below a certain level. The film was filled with so much action and adrenaline that the heart rates of Chelios and the viewers were guaranteed to go through the roof.
Crank 2: High Voltage picks up exactly where the first one left off. Chelios has survived a death defying leap out of helicopter, only to be scooped up by a group of shady individuals who proceed to remove his heart. His ticker is replaced by an artificial model that needs to be constantly charged.
One thing that definitely gets Chelios’ heart racing is the sight of his girlfriend, Eve, portrayed by the lovely Amy Smart. Assuming Chelios to be dead, Eve has moved on with Randy, portrayed by acting legend Corey Haim, sporting the finest mullet this side of Billy Ray Cyrus. Not only has Eve hooked up with a new man, she has found new employment as an exotic dancer.
This means that when we first meet Eve, she is wearing very little. In fact for the first half of the movie, she is topless except for what appears to be electrical tape over her nipples. I must ask, how in the name of God almighty did this film not capture the 2009 Oscar for Best Costume Design? I mean, there are several Oscars that this film was robbed of, but that particular category snub is the one that rubs this reviewer the wrong way.
Chelios must get to the man responsible for nabbing his ticker. Along the way, he recharges his heart in a series of comical manners, from simply electrocuting himself to engaging in the most passionate and beautiful love scene this side of Team America: World Police with his girlfriend Eve. Did I mention this lovemaking session was taking place on a horse racing track, mid-race?
What a cast that has been put together to tell this enthralling tale. Statham is spot-on as Chelios. In a film landscape where Sylvester Stallone is nearing retirement, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is sporting a tutu in The Tooth Fairy, and Arnold Schwarzenegger is too busy impregnating his house staff, thank goodness Statham is here to kick ass and take names.
Smart was terrific as Eve and music legends Dwight Yoakam and Geri “Ginger Spice” Halliwell shine in their roles. But I would like to discuss two of the other stars of the film, dearly departed thespians David Carradine and Haim. I had always wanted to see these two in a film together. Over and over again, to anyone who would listen, I would say “Corey Feldman shouldn’t be in that movie, David Carradine would be a much better sidekick to Corey Haim.” Well, they finally got to work in a film together, but sadly they never appeared in the same scene. Now, with both of them passed on, they more than likely will never have the chance to act side by side. That is, unless directors Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor use CGI to insert them into Crank 3. Why stop there? I think George Lucas should also insert them into his planned 3D versions of the Star Wars films.
I believe that it goes without saying that I wholeheartedly recommend this film. Non-stop action, plenty of laughs and just the right amount of gratuitous nudity combine to make this a must-see. I am not yanking your crank when I tell you that Crank 2: High Voltage is a perfect film.