Sharknado (2013)

Blown away by Sharknado


Mother Nature is pissed. The proof is in the pudding. Just take a look at some of the disasters that have taken place over the last few months:

– In June, Alberta suffered a severe flood

– In July, Toronto residents also had to endure a flood

– Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child fathered by Kanye West. The child was given the name North West.

Yes, some serious hardships have been dealt out by Mother Nature as of late. But in the immortal words of Bachman Turner Overdrive, “B-b-b-baby, you just ain’t seen n-n-nothin’ yet.” A remarkable film premiered this past summer on the SyFy network that took the world by storm and showed us what future terrors might be in store for us. That film was Sharknado.

Former Beverly Hills 90210 star Ian Ziering portrays Fin Shepard, who is enjoying a chill day in Los Angeles, surfing and serving drinks at his beachfront bar. Things take a dramatic turn for the worse when a major storm develops, not only destroying the bar, but also flinging sharks onto land! Fin, sassy waitress Nova and resident drunk George attempt to flee the scene and rescue Fin’s family. That is no easy task when there are sharks swimming on the road!

Fin eventually reaches his teenage daughter, and estranged wife April, played by the legendary Tara Reid (American Pie, Josie and the Pussycats). After a string of successes at the early part of this century, Reid’s life went into a tailspin as a result of too much partying and some botched plastic surgery. She once underwent a procedure called a “doughnut mastoplexy,” I’m not sure what that is, but I’m going to ask for it next time I go to Tim Horton’s. There is nothing more heart-warming than a comeback story, and Ms. Reid’s journey back to the top of Hollywood’s A-list following the airing of this film would bring a tear to a glass eye.

Fin must then lead his posse on a journey to collect his son from flight school, stopping only to save children from a bus dangling precariously from a bridge while narrowly avoiding being eaten by sharks on several occasions. This leads to a thrilling conclusion involving helicopters, chainsaws, bombs, and yes, sharks being flung around in the air by tornadoes!

Sharknado created an instant sensation when it premiered, generating so many tweets that it is a wonder that the Internet didn’t break. Basically the only way more buzz could have been created is if Justin Bieber, with a joint in his mouth, urinated all over Amanda Bynes’ naked body in the lobby of The Vatican. A sequel, set in New York, was announced within days, and a Twitter contest was held to determine the subtitle. Among the suggestions were The Wizard of Jaws (@TeamCoco) and Sharknado II: The Wrath of Sharka Khan (@Lorrain315).

Watching Sharknado is the most fun you can have with your pants on, although if you choose to remove your pants at any point, I won’t judge you. I am eagerly anticipating the sequel. No matter what official title is attached to the film, I know what I will be calling it – the greatest film of all time.

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