The Haunted World of El Superbeasto

The Haunted World of El Superbeasto (2009)

Superbeasto is super good

El Superbeasto

The Cinema Connoisseur’s Halloween Spooktacular Fright Film Festival is in full swing, and this week, I’ll be taking a look at a film that features three trademarks of Halloween: demons, men wearing masks, and scantily clad women. More accurately, no-clad women. Let me welcome you to The Haunted World of El Superbeasto.

The Haunted World of El Superbeasto is an animated horror/ comedy written and directed by Rob Zombie… although it is entirely possible he sub-contracted the writing duties out to a group of hyperactive children who forgot to take their Ritalin doses for a few days. Don’t get me wrong – I think the children did an excellent job. The film moves at a breakneck pace, and features everything from the disembodied head of Hitler to Satan himself to an appearance by Canada’s greatest rock band, Loverboy. This has to be the most over-the-top film I have ever seen – even more so than the Sylvester Stallone arm wrestling film Over The Top.

El Superbeasto is an extremely arrogant masked former professional wrestler (or luchador) who now concentrates on producing adult films, starring in commercials, and occasionally saving the world. During the course of this film, he must prevent Dr. Satan (voiced by Paul Giammatti) from marrying exotic dancer Velvet Von Black, a nasty woman, even by stripper standards. If you are a stripper and are reading this review, I apologize for the last comment, but really, that has to be at best the fifth most offensive comment directed at you today. Von Black has a 666 mark on her backside, and the joining of herself and Dr. Satan in unholy matrimony will cause Satan’s powers to increase dramatically and enable him to take over the world.

El Superbeasto is joined in this all important quest by his eyepatch-wearing sister, secret agent Susie-X. Susie brings along her personal servant Murray The Robot, who is more interested in inserting his input device into Susie than in saving the world.

The movie features plenty of laughs and chills along the way, but it also contains a bare assload of nudity. Donald Duck has ruffled some feathers by waddling around pantless for decades, but this film takes it to a whole new level. I haven’t seen so many cartoonish exposed nipples since Tara Reid quit partying.

I cannot recommend this film enough. It has everything a truly great film should have. A main character who is a pro wrestler? Check? A supporting robot character? Check. Gratuitous nudity? Check. With this outing, Rob Zombie has proven himself to be the greatest horror director of all time. Sorry, Alfred Hitchcock, maybe if you had thought to include an animated topless catfight as a key scene in one of your movies, I’d be singing your praises right now. The highest compliment that I can pay this film is that it features a prominent character who is a gorilla who speaks with a British accent, and I didn’t even mention that until now. Normally that would be the selling point of a film, but in this case, it’s just gravy.

Lastly, I’ll also add that this film can actually be quite the educational tool for parents. If you have been struggling with talking to your children about the birds and the bees, just discreetly slip a copy of this film into your child’s Halloween bag while you are pretending to examine it for suspicious- looking candies at the end of the night. They’ll spot the film, watch it, and all the cartoon coitus will teach them everything they need to know about the male, female and robot sex organs.

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