Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery

Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery (2014)

Doo not miss this Scooby/WWE mashup

Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery

Vince McMahon and the employees of his World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) enterprise have faced a great many challenges over the years. There have been steroid trials, a high death toll amongst performers and competition from other sports entertainment companies. One thing Mr. McMahon has not had to deal with was a blood thirsty ghost bear. Thanks to the newly released direct-to-home video flick Scooby- Doo! WrestleMania Mystery however, McMahon can now say that he has faced and overcome all possible challenges.

Scooby and his owner/best pal Shaggy are enjoying a night of hijinx, playing the latest video game offering from the WWE. After vanquishing a foe, they move onto the bonus level, where the game format inexplicably changes from wrestling, to a Dance Dance Revolution-style rhythm challenge. When Scooby achieves a perfect score, he is greeted with a video message from WWE head honcho Mr. McMahon, informing him that he has won a trip to WrestleMania, which is taking place in WWE City.

WWE City? Yes, in the world of Scooby Doo, WWE is not a traveling show, but its own city, complete with not only an arena, but training facilities, and all you can eat buffet restaurants. If Vatican City can exist, then why not a WWE City. The residents of both cities have their own J.C. which is central to their existence. The WWE’s version is their top star, and one of the heroes of this story, John Cena.

Scooby and Shaggy are eager to travel to WWE City, but their friends need a little arm-twisting, and not the kind that the WWE superstars like to do. Fred agrees so he can snap some photos with his fancy new camera. Velma decides to go so she can compare the WWE to ancient gladiatorial society. Daphne is adamant that she will not go, but changes her tune after taking a gander at the aforementioned John Cena.

So Scooby and pals go to WWE City, enjoy WrestleMania, and everything goes off without a hitch, right? Wrong! You see, WWE City is being terrorized by a ghost bear. Long ago, it was not uncommon for wrestlers to have matches with bears. No, this is not a wacky idea dreamed up for the purposes of this animated film. This actually used to happen. The site that would eventually become WWE City was once host to a match between a masked Mexican wrestler name Sin Cara Grande, who overcame the odds, and defeated the bear. Now after all these years, the bear is back – this time in ghost form, to seek vengeance.

Mr. McMahon is very worried about the bear. Not because he is concerned about the welfare of his fellow WWE City residents, but because he is afraid that something will happen to the extremely valuable WWE championship belt. So, after hearing of the legendary exploits of Scooby and pals, he hires them to be protectors of the belt. But Scooby and Shaggy find themselves in deep Doo Doo when the belt goes missing, and all signs point to Scooby being the culprit.

Justice is not dealt out in a courtroom in WWE City, but rather in the wrestling ring. Scooby and Shaggy must earn their freedom by competing against the WWE’s scariest performer, the nearly seven-foot-tall Kane. In the immortal words of Scooby, “Ruh-roh!”

Along with the voice work of Scooby regulars such as the Matthew Lillard, Mindy Cohn and the legendary Frank Welker, a host of WWE superstars are along for the ride, including John Cena, Kane, Triple H, AJ Lee, Sin Cara and The Miz.

Scooby Doo has had some incredible encounters over the years with stars such as Sonny & Cher, Don Knotts and KISS. Nothing has come close however to the magic created when Scooby first set his four feet onto WWE soil. Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery is a delight from start to finish. I Scooby-Dooby-Doo recommend that you download your digital copy from Amazon or iTunes, and then also purchase a physical DVD as well. It is important to have a backup, as watching Scooby over the years has taught me that people are always stealing things, and there might not be some meddling kids to prevent them from nabbing your copy of this excellent film.

The Haunted World of El Superbeasto

The Haunted World of El Superbeasto (2009)

Superbeasto is super good

El Superbeasto

The Cinema Connoisseur’s Halloween Spooktacular Fright Film Festival is in full swing, and this week, I’ll be taking a look at a film that features three trademarks of Halloween: demons, men wearing masks, and scantily clad women. More accurately, no-clad women. Let me welcome you to The Haunted World of El Superbeasto.

The Haunted World of El Superbeasto is an animated horror/ comedy written and directed by Rob Zombie… although it is entirely possible he sub-contracted the writing duties out to a group of hyperactive children who forgot to take their Ritalin doses for a few days. Don’t get me wrong – I think the children did an excellent job. The film moves at a breakneck pace, and features everything from the disembodied head of Hitler to Satan himself to an appearance by Canada’s greatest rock band, Loverboy. This has to be the most over-the-top film I have ever seen – even more so than the Sylvester Stallone arm wrestling film Over The Top.

El Superbeasto is an extremely arrogant masked former professional wrestler (or luchador) who now concentrates on producing adult films, starring in commercials, and occasionally saving the world. During the course of this film, he must prevent Dr. Satan (voiced by Paul Giammatti) from marrying exotic dancer Velvet Von Black, a nasty woman, even by stripper standards. If you are a stripper and are reading this review, I apologize for the last comment, but really, that has to be at best the fifth most offensive comment directed at you today. Von Black has a 666 mark on her backside, and the joining of herself and Dr. Satan in unholy matrimony will cause Satan’s powers to increase dramatically and enable him to take over the world.

El Superbeasto is joined in this all important quest by his eyepatch-wearing sister, secret agent Susie-X. Susie brings along her personal servant Murray The Robot, who is more interested in inserting his input device into Susie than in saving the world.

The movie features plenty of laughs and chills along the way, but it also contains a bare assload of nudity. Donald Duck has ruffled some feathers by waddling around pantless for decades, but this film takes it to a whole new level. I haven’t seen so many cartoonish exposed nipples since Tara Reid quit partying.

I cannot recommend this film enough. It has everything a truly great film should have. A main character who is a pro wrestler? Check? A supporting robot character? Check. Gratuitous nudity? Check. With this outing, Rob Zombie has proven himself to be the greatest horror director of all time. Sorry, Alfred Hitchcock, maybe if you had thought to include an animated topless catfight as a key scene in one of your movies, I’d be singing your praises right now. The highest compliment that I can pay this film is that it features a prominent character who is a gorilla who speaks with a British accent, and I didn’t even mention that until now. Normally that would be the selling point of a film, but in this case, it’s just gravy.

Lastly, I’ll also add that this film can actually be quite the educational tool for parents. If you have been struggling with talking to your children about the birds and the bees, just discreetly slip a copy of this film into your child’s Halloween bag while you are pretending to examine it for suspicious- looking candies at the end of the night. They’ll spot the film, watch it, and all the cartoon coitus will teach them everything they need to know about the male, female and robot sex organs.