The Room

The Room (2003)

No Room for improvement

The Room

Martin Scorsese. Steven Spielberg. Dan Aykroyd. Hulk Hogan. Jenna Jameson. All people who have contributed greatly to the motion picture industry, and have attempted, with varying degrees of success, to make the perfect film. Well, these fine artists can stop now. Cinematic perfection has been achieved, and it happened all the way back in 2003. That is when a remarkable being known as Tommy Wiseau directed, produced, wrote and starred in an astounding motion picture known as The Room.

Wiseau portrays Johnny, who can best be described as the love child of Gene Simmons and Fabio. Yes, I do understand that Fabio and Mr. Simmons could not have fathered a child together. Obviously, they both have had vasectomies, otherwise they would have produced thousands of offspring.

Johnny is a successful banker and all around great guy. He has basically adopted an 18-year-old boy named Denny, setting him up in his own apartment, and offering to pay his tuition for him. He also treats his fiancée Lisa like gold, regularly bedding her while rubbing roses down her naked body, surrounded by candles. They have two steamy sex scenes in the first half-hour of the film. Just take a look at this dialogue that exhibits the chemistry between the two:

Lisa: Do you want me to order a pizza?

Johnny: Whatever, I don’t care.

Lisa: I already ordered a pizza.

Johnny: You think about everything, ha ha ha.

It’s like something out a Harlequin romance novel. Unfortunately for Johnny, Lisa actually has three sex scenes during the first half-hour, as she is also sleeping with Johnny’s best friend Mark.

Lisa reveals to her mother – and anyone else who will listen – that she has no feelings for Johnny. However, she likes the financial freedom that being with Johnny provides, so decides to continue stringing him along while continuing her fling with his best pal. Poor Johnny continues to spend a small fortune on roses and candles.

The passionate love triangle, and the paranoia it breeds, is the meat of this film, but The Room is filled with so much more. Specifically, football. Throughout the film, the male characters are constantly tossing footballs to one another. I swear there is more pigskin action in this film than in Remember The Titans, Rudy and The Longest Yard combined.

While Wiseau deserves kudos for his writing and directing efforts, it is in the role of actor that he truly shines in The Room. He employs a very minimalistic approach to acting. It almost appears as though he isn’t putting the slightest bit of effort into his performance, which is the true sign of a great thespian. His performance throughout the film is reminiscent of someone who has just woken up from having their wisdom teeth removed. Whatever it was that he was drawing from at the time this film was being shot was clearly working.

The Room is an unforgettable tale of love, betrayal and pickup football games. It is easy to see why a decade after its initial release, it is still selling out theatres across the world. You will certainly want to make room on your DVD shelf for The Room.