Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead

Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006)

One clucking good movie

Poultrygeist

Not only am I a cinema connoisseur; I also consider myself to be a chicken connoisseur. I enjoy poultry in many different forms – nuggets, fingers, breasts and balls. Thanks to the fine folks at Troma, I am now able to enjoy chicken in another form, that being the 2006 horror/comedy/musical Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead.

Troma is an independent movie studio that produces “B-movies.” I assume that the “B” stands for brilliant. The Toxic Avenger, Surf Nazis Must Die and Chopper Chicks in Zombietown are just some of the classics that have been produced by this company. Sex and violence aplenty are usually found in these films, and Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead is no exception.

At its core, Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead is a love story about high school sweethearts Arbie and Wendy, who are reunited after a year apart. Arbie plans to visit an ancient Native American burial ground, where the two made love the year before… or at least attempted to before being interrupted by a masturbating man, who goes on to be killed by a zombie.

Arbie is in for a bigger surprise than that this time around. You see, the cemetery has been replaced by a chicken restaurant, and its parking lot is filled with angry protesters who are crying fowl. Among the protesters is Wendy, who has returned from college, and is now romantically involved with another young woman.

Heartbroken, Arbie takes a job with the chicken restaurant out of spite, but it soon becomes clear that there are more than 11 herbs and spices added to the product at this particular establishment.

While the proprietor of the American Chicken Bunker took great care in moving the corpses from the cemetery into a dumpster, the spirits of these men and women still remain, and they are pissed. They take possession of not only the food being served, but those who are consuming it. Before long, men start growing chickens eggs out of their chest, which hatch chickens. Some customers turn into human/chicken hybrids. Heads are severed, and people are ripped apart, much like one would rip apart a delicious chicken wing. The climax of this film is more chaotic than a Saturday night shindig at Justin Bieber’s pad.

The good folks at the Guinness Book of Records have to take a look at Poultrygeist, as I am sure this film would be immortalized in their publication. It absolutely has to be the bloodiest movie ever made. It gets to the point where an hour into the film, someone’s testicles are ripped off, and thrown in a deep fryer. I didn’t even bat an eyelash. In any other film, that would be a major talking point. Just imagine if Jennifer Lawrence did that to Christian Bale in American Hustle. That would surely be a scene that people remembered. In this film, it doesn’t make the top 10 most gruesome moments.

It would also challenge for the record for the most fecal matter ever displayed in a motion picture. Eating possessed chicken will wreak havoc with one’s digestive tract, and as a result, this film is filled with so much shit that I had to double check to make sure Michael Bay hadn’t directed it.

It also features perhaps the most topless musical numbers ever performed on film. Though to be fair, it has been a while since I watched Mary Poppins or The Sound Of Music, but I have no memories of mammaries being on display while Julie Andrews was belting out some tunes.

If for some unfathomable reason the thought of gratuitous violence/ nudity/excrement just isn’t appealing to you, then you probably shouldn’t watch Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead, as I understand it is a film that might ruffle some feathers. However, if you are open minded enough, I cock-a-doodle-doo think that you will love Poultrygeist, and that you will come bock-bock-back for more viewings. And let me reiterate: at its core, Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead is a love story, so you should think about watching it with your sweetie this Valentine’s Day.

KISS Meets The Phantom of the Park

KISS Meets The Phantom of the Park (1978)

Movie starring KISS is a can’t miss

There are a lot of people fretting these days about global warming, terrorists and deadly viruses that have the ability to wipe out millions of lives. I myself am not particularly worried. Why am I not worried, I’m going to assume you just asked? I’m not afraid because I know there is a bigger problem – evil inventors.

This global warming could cause some serious damage 100 years from now, but any day now some perverse scientist could unleash an army of killer robots or an evil weather machine. These are things that pose an immediate threat.

Thankfully there are heroes out there to protect us. No, I’m not referring to the politicians. I’m not referring to the police. I’m not even referring to The Police. I’m referring to a far more powerful band – KISS!

KISS Meets The Phantom of the ParkIn the 1978 film KISS Meets The Phantom of the Park, Gene Simmons, Ace Frehley, Paul Stanley and Peter Criss team up to take on Abner Deveraux, the engineer at a theme park called Magic Mountain. Abner has secretly created a procedure to turn humans into robots that will do his bidding. Clearly this film was a major influence on Robocop, which was released a decade later.

When the owner of the theme park notices that Abner is acting erratically, he decides to cut some of Abner’s funding, and use the extra money to bring KISS in to perform a concert. Abner is eventually fired altogether when the owner blames him after some hooligans take over the park.

Abner is none to pleased by any of this, and puts his evil cyborgs to work in an attempt to put the kibosh on the KISS concert. He creates his own robotic version of KISS, kidnaps the real band and programs the fake band to perform instead. This leads to rioting in the park. This is all very similar to the situation that took place about five years ago when Axel Rose unleashed a new version of Guns ‘n’ Roses.

Unfortunately for Abner, he’s not just facing a bunch of ordinary musicians. He’s facing a rockin’ group of superheroes. Each member of the band has an alter ego that possesses great abilities, which allow him to battle the forces of evil.

Gene Simmons’ alter ego is The Demon, who has great strength and the ability to breath fire. Paul Stanley, a.k.a Starchild, can shoot lasers out of his eyes. These lasers give him the ability to control minds and hear distant conversations, much like the Whisper 2000. Ace Frehley, who goes by the moniker Space Ace, also can shoot lasers, and has the ability to teleport himself to another location. Finally Peter Criss has incredible leaping ability, thus earning himself the name Cat Man. Criss accomplishes a rare feat in this film, despite the fact that he speaks English, they had another actor dub in his lines. Allegedly they had to stick peanut butter on the roof of his mouth to get it to look as though he was speaking.

I don’t want to give away the ending, but KISS does triumph over Abner and put an end to his robot making ways. I guess I did kind of give away the ending. Don’t let that deter you from seeking out a copy. Unfortunately it has never been released on DVD, and was only released on VHS for a short time in the 1980s. If you don’t happen to have access to a De Lorean, you can watch it on Youtube. It is cut into several parts, and the great thing is that it really doesn’t matter what order you watch them in.

I think this is such a great film that I am going to SHOUT IT OUT LOUD!!! If you want to rock and roll all night, and also party everyday, then I cannot think of a better way to get the festivities started then by watching this film.